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Denis & Arit Ekobena
We did not fail at the things we disagreed on.
We failed at the things we never said. Let’s Talk exists so that fewer couples learn that the way we did.
Home › About
Denis & Arit Ekobena
We failed at the things we never said. Let’s Talk exists so that fewer couples learn that the way we did.
Why we built this
Then two of them, unashamed, able to say anything to each other. Everything we have built is an attempt to get people back to that room.
We have sat with couples who could recite their wedding budget line by line, and who could not tell us what the person beside them believed about money, in-laws or children. Nobody was hiding anything. They simply had no structure for saying the difficult thing, and no one had ever asked them the question directly. The ceremony was immaculate. The conversation had not happened.
What breaks a marriage is almost never the disagreement. It is the silence around it — the subject both people can feel and neither one names, until one day it is too heavy to lift. That silence is not a character flaw. It is a skill nobody taught them, in a church that was often too polite to try.
So we set out to teach it. Not to fix marriages once they are breaking, but to make people whole before they join — and to give the ones already joined a way back to each other. A single person who knows who they are. Two people who can say anything. A home children grow up in without learning to keep secrets. That order is not ours; it is the one written at the beginning, and it still works.
The tools that exist are good, and they were built somewhere else. They assume a couple living far from their families, whose money is their own and whose in-laws have no standing. That is not the marriage most of the couples we sit with are entering. Bride price, three ceremonies, a brother who may move in, school fees for a sister, a mother with an opinion and the right to voice it — these are not footnotes here. They are the marriage.
So we wrote our own. Five books and five assessments, in English and French, priced so that the couple and the pastor in front of them can both afford it, and built for the phone in their hand rather than a desktop in an office. Free to find out where you stand, because a person should never be charged to discover the truth about their own life.
We are not writing as experts who arrived. We are writing as two people who learned most of this the slow way, and who would like fewer couples to pay the tuition we paid.
Denis is a pastor and coach. Arit writes and works with women on discernment, healing and voice. Between them they have written the series: Let’s Talk About Her, Let’s Talk About Him, Let’s Talk About Marriage, Let’s Talk About Sex and Happily Ever After.
What we believe about this work
We name bride price, sex, your mother, and the figure you send home. Vagueness is where marriages die, and euphemism is not kindness.
Written from here, not adapted from somewhere else. In French as well as English, and written in French rather than translated into it.
Our convictions are Christian and we do not hide them. Neither do we make them the toll gate. Any couple can use every instrument we make.
The people counselling couples here are pastors and elders, not clinicians. Everything we build has to be trainable in an afternoon and affordable on a local salary.
No pass mark, no compatibility score, no shame. Here is where you are; here is the door to open first.
When an answer says someone is frightened, the right response is help, not a result page. That rule is written into the product, not added to the terms.
Where we are
We work from Cameroon, in English and French, with Guides and church partners across West and Central Africa and with diaspora couples in Europe and North America.